My three predictions on commercials that will debut during tonight's Academy Awards

1) Daniel Day-Lewis will star in a Twinkies commercial.

"I eat your sponge cake! I eat it up! Nom nom nom..."
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2) Cialis will air a special two-minute, three million dollar commercial written, directed, edited and produced by the Coen brothers entitled A Chubby For Old Men.
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3) Johnny Depp will appear as Sweeney Todd for a Gillette Fusion Power Phenom commercial.

[singing] "There's a hole in the world like a great black pit
And the vermin of the world inhabit it
And its morals aren't worth what a pig could spit
Gillette! The best a man can get!"