Direct response infomercials have often been savagely maligned as the scourge of marketing - hawking quasi-beneficial products with quasi-recognizable production standards, quasi-coherent scripted testimonials and quasi-believable claims. So why stop now!?

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Ronco's endearingly earnest Ron Popeil (of Pocket Fisherman fame) has now set the infomercial standard from which all others will now be measured. Utilizing a proactive blend of top-notch easily-hypnotized and semi-synchronized professional talk show audience members, free aprons, raw meat, the most insidious catch phrase since "Clap on. Clap off". æ and plenty of Pavlovian repetition, Ronco's amazing home rotisserie mer-sheen is sure to make traditional cooking skills and TV ads obsolete.

Loading below is a special 54 second condensation of this remarkable half hour masterpiece. (Quicktime 5 & G3/Pentium III or higher required)

So what have we learned from all this, boys and girls?

Be afraid. be very afraid.

PS: Watch out for that sassy dark-haired gal in the front row - she's an automated response animal!