"Dear John" letter generator for Ad agencies

Citrus have created this dear agency letter generator. You choose between three different things, such as monkeys, lizards or meerkats in response to the question "What animals have been suggested that "really take your brand to the next level"?" and click write letter to get a nice letter that you can send off to your agency when you want them to know you're letting them go. My only gripe with this is no matter what animal I pick that particular creature isn't mentioned in the letter, though the others might be. Fail.

Here's an example of what you might send to your agency. I got this when I picked meerkats. No cats at all in the letter (hehe) but cavemen and geckos are mentioned.

That's right. You heard me. Fired. As in axed. Let go. Canned. Sacked, as the Brits say.

Did it have to come to this? Let me put it to you in a way your tragically hip, bipolar, right-brained mind can understand: It was either this or I start torturing interns for fun.

You're confused, are you? Let me clarify. Over the past year, you've tried to sell me regurgitated award show ideas that no self-respecting agency would even put down on paper, let alone present. Do you really think a garrulous reptile is a new idea? Let alone a good one? Here's a tip: If it's been done as a failed ad campaign AND a failed TV show, it's not going to make my brand famous. Same goes with babies, cavemen and anything else that might require an on-location "wrangler."

The attitudes, the overcharging, the blown deadlines, the constant bitching and moaning like it's the end of the freaking world when I suggest you add my web address to an ad that I'm PAYING for...you should be paying me for putting up with it for so long.

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about the author

Dabitch Creative Director, CEO, hell-raising sweetheart and editor of Adland. Globetrotting Swede who has lived and worked in New York, London, San Francisco, Amsterdam, Copenhagen and Stockholm.