Fallon fires everyone!

 

 
 

Fallon fires everyone!

And this sparks a flurry of activity guessing what that memo looked like. How do you tell your agency that twenty people and your entire creative force has to go? And how on earth are they planning on running an agency without any creatives? The Fallon Memo's speculate.......

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this email written by adlister Raven Langley

Dear Fallon Employees,

I'm writing to let you know that Phase I of our restructuring is complete.
We have substantially reduced overhead, and we are on our way to profitability. A good thing, since as I stated in a previous memo, I got killed in the Nasdaq this year and my daughter is getting married.

Now, at Fallon, "good enough is not enough". So, the management team is looking to go one step further in our restructuring and completely out-do ourselves.

Technology continues to amaze us. Even my 97-year old grandmother can take photos, post them online, and use simple editing tools to add a funny headline. So that got us thinking...

If we could find a way to get everyday people to compete, just for fun, and submit "community-generated ads", we would no longer need an expensive creative department. We can just post an open brief on Fallon.com, receive
tons of ideas and completed work for free from people just wanting recognition for their work.

Just look at all those independent film festivals that get work submitted every year, and the festivals actually charge the filmmakers submission fees to look at their work!

So, grab some popcorn people, and get ready for Phase II. We're now in the business of marrying finished work to the needs of our clients. And both the maker and the buyer of the content will pay us a fee. Mandalay Entertainment has already successfully implemented this strategy in Los
Angeles, so we're not alone in sharing this perspective.

We don't need a creative department, just people who can watch a lot of spec work that gets submitted on a regular basis.

And by the way, my grandmother's name is LaVonne Pirnie, so if you see her reel you may want to make sure you recommend her work. Let the screenings begin!

Pat Fallon
-------------------- * -----------------------------

============ This email sent in by Dea Vise.

Dear Fallon Family Members,

As you know, times are tough. When times get tough, we hire an outside accounting firm to pinpoint exactly where we can most easily save money. This outside accounting firm found a large box of director demo reels and has suggested that we copy those ideas on all future campaigns.

We have discovered that there are plenty of good ideas in our office already sitting in a box with other people's names on them! All we need to do is put our name on the idea and we have saved enough money to continue to live in the manner to which we have grown accustomed.

To those of you concerned that our spots will be exactly like another, we will be changing the copy to fit our needs by getting the actors to improv in casting for free. Then we will hire the one actor who refused to change the original copy because that will be the actor we can *trust* to deliver our high concept, low cost campaigns.

So, pink-slipped folks, it's not that we don't care. We do. But when it comes to advertising, we believe that one guy can do the job.
Not only can he work the VHS machine, he is a whiz at drawing those little pictures that show you where the camera will be when he shoots the spots because we just found out he has "always wanted to direct."

Best of luck,

The remaining Fallon Family Members

And remember:

Just as there is no "i" in "team," there is no "team" in "Fallon."

===============================

------------------------- * adlister Peter joins in:

PS: We bought Doris a used Commodore so she can take care of all those graphics and fonts thingys. So, we've got design and print covered, too.
Just thought you'd want to know.

======== * Dea retorts: *============

..And Doris has a very talented brother who just got out of jail for forgery. We have recently learned that there is a program through the state that will actually pay *us* to hire convicts. Nothing says "creative" like "forgery" and nothing says "bottom line" like "being paid to hire a convict!"

P.S. We just learned that Emmy Award winning shows like West Wing allow their casting directors to take money from the actors for auditions.

We plan on saving additional money by no longer paying the casting directors to see talent.

As a matter of fact, we will be presenting our new concept
(Fallon Casting Director Workshops) in April of this year.
Be a star with Fallon! In addition, all director submissions must now be accompanied by a Consideration Fee. Grandma has a house payment you know.

See? Everybody wins!

Legal Disclaimer: Cashing your check is in no way a guarantee of employment. Feel like a schmuck? Well, that's not our fault.

------
Dea

http://www.donotpay.org

=========== * adlister Meg adds: * ===========

PPS: We have just posted the rules for submission to our logo contest. Full details at our special website . http://www.screwcreative.org
Check it out and send 'em our way.

Meg

--------------------- * Tigger responds * -----------------------

Fallon agency meeting:

As you know these have not been easy times for the agency...
September 11 and the economy.... For any ad agency the largest overhead will always be salary. As a result reducing the agency's salary bill has become a management board goal over the last few months. We addressed this issue in (blah blah blah).

Sadly, we have to let some of our colleagues go in order to achieve our profitability goals. Now I know that some of you will be concerned that as an advertising agency it is important that we make adverts and that firing the entire creative department will make this difficult to do;
however, rest assured that creative output will not be affected.

I have recently appointed Janis, whom some of you know as
the lady that cleans floors 16 through 18, to head up our new creative department. Her staff will be a smaller, tighter creative unit that will be aggressively productive, and highly dollar efficient. It will consist primarily of her pet fish, Harold, and this small white plastic cup.

Thanks for your time. And I hope that we can look forward to a profitable year for the agency, particularly because I got slaughtered on the Nasdaq this year and my daughter is getting married....

Tigger

*******************************************

Adland: 

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