STAGED PROTEST FOR MORE FREE TIME FAILS WHEN NO ONE SHOWS UP.
Chicago, IL - Slothmore Institute, a national organization supplying responsibility shirkers with excuses to stay home and the tools to negate the need to ever leave the couch, announced last month that its members would execute a large scale work no-show and sit-in.
The protest was scheduled to occur last week around the very immobile Picasso sculpture in downtown Chicago. The movement, or lack thereof, wanted to forward the cause of not having to work, to demand more home delivery of food, and argue that Chicagos garbage collectors be required to remove the trash from the garbage cans under members sinks. The organization can claim a 50% success rate, as members across the greater metro, failed to show up for work that monday, but also failed to show up for the protest.
When Harvey Funkel, the head of Slothmore, whose motto is STAY IN, was contacted at his home for comment, he asked us to hold on, left the phone on the table, and returned to what sounded like a rousing round of Tiger Woods Pro Circuit Golf. After waiting twenty minutes for Funkel to return to the phone, our reporter hung up and called one of the institutes 2000 local inactive members, Todd Hurley.
Hurley responded to our call by yelling to his roommate, Yo, dude, the @$#^*%ing paper is on the phone, I am gonna be in the @$#^*%ing, paper followed by the sound of a hi-five and what we can only assume was the gurgling of some sort of waterpipe.
Our only course of action in the face of all of this inaction was to visit the Slothmore web site Slothmore Institute which houses many compelling arguments for slacking, lots of ingenious devises for getting out of work and enjoyment of social inertia. Particularly, amusing was the Hard-working Gregg video. Not surprising, the site has not been updated in years. Still, as a monumental testament to complete lack of motivation, it is well worth a visit.