what we say to clients...

...and what we really mean.
-"We'll certainly consider that"
-Don't make me laugh!

There is a major opportunity
We need your money

Our advice to you
Our invoice to you

That's a good point, but...
I've heard some rubbish in my time...

We've been thinking
Because you obviously haven't

There's a lot of support for this concept
This is our only concept

May I make a suggestion
Do this or you're neck deep in shit

That's a challenging brief
What the FUCK do you mean?

We'll need to visit the factory
We know you have a factory in Hawaii

We won't need to visit the factory
We know you have a factory in Siberia.

This is award-winning work
You won't understand this

We've taken a radical approach
We gave this job to students

We'd like to challenge your brief
We haven't done the work yet

We've done a lot of analysis
The invoice is bigger than you expected

We've had a breakthrough with your product
You won't recognise anything you're about to see

Our creative director worked on this
If you don't buy it, you can tell him.

We're going to do a sketchbook presentation
We scribbled this down in the lift on the way up

We've done some very sketchy thinking
We worked on the wrong brief

We had three teams working on this.
Our presentation is very confused

I can sense your excitement
Hello, is anybody home?

You've given us a lot to think about
You've completely change the brief... Ass hole!

We'll go away and refine these concepts
Shit! We'll start from scratch...

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about the author

Dabitch Creative Director, CEO, hell-raising sweetheart and editor of Adland. Globetrotting Swede who has lived and worked in New York, London, San Francisco, Amsterdam, Copenhagen and Stockholm after growing up in Kiruna, Raleigh and Jiddah.