WIN the new edition of Luke Sullivans Hey Whipple! OR a signed Charmins package.


WIN the new edition of Luke Sullivans Hey Whipple! OR a signed Charmins package.

Way back in the year 2000 you could win a signed copy of the Luke Sullivan book just by the effort of signing up. HaHaSoup won that book (and I bet he still has it, don't you HahaSoup?).

Well, here's your chance again - since Luke Sullivan has come out with another edition of his widely popular "Hey Whipple, Squeeze This" book which includes new chapters addressing the galloping development of the web and the myriad of new media areas, we thought we'd throw another competition. Rules inside.

Since Mr Whipple has retired to the big ad agency in the sky - What should Luke name his next book? The two funniest title gets a free signed copy of his latest printing - and better yet the runner ups get .... wait for it.. signed Charmins. Hehehe. *

What do we mean? Ok, here's some examples using "hey" + commercial mascot + action. The nuttier, the better. If it sounds like a fierce insult, extra points!

Hey, Tony the Tiger, Sell Gullible Kids This Sugary Diabetic-Causing Food

Hey, Geico Cavemen, Step On The Geico Gecko

Hey, energizer bunny, stop!

Now, we're just looking for funny - so whatever makes the crew and everyone else here laugh the most (and Luke gets a say as well) wins. That's it.

Go for it in the comments kids. No comment = no chance in hell of winning anything. Good luck. You have until Tuesday April 15 to get this out of your systems.

For people who can't write and be funny we suggest getting the book at Amazon at once. ;)

* prize clarification. The two best submissions = winner 1 and 2 get signed Luke Sullivan book. 3rd best gets a signed package of Charmins. For real. Luke will snailmail you the prizes, so I'll contact the winners and ask for their address.



Hey Sony, balls out.

Hey silly rabbit! Trick this!

Hey King, Burger this!

Hey Mr. Clean, wipe this!

Best so far.

Hey Joe Camel, smoke this!

hahaha, why didn't I think of that one. Damn Joe camel.

Even better!

Hey agencyhead, pouch this!

I guess the lack of deserving targets for this exercise just proves that the overall quality of advertising has risen over the past couple of decades.

(More ads and commentary at

Hey Michelin Man, re-tire this!

HA! could do without the "this"

This is true. :)

Any limit to the number of submissions one person can post?

No limits : we should just run with it and may the best lines win.

Hey Cheerios Bee, buzz off.

Fantastic. It will give me something to do during my long and semi-boring meetings today.

Hey Scottish Widow, just piss off and die, will you? Thanks.*

Not quite in the spirit of the thing, I know, but I've just had a lousy statement from my savings account.

Okay then.

Hey, Bisto Kids, sniff this!

Hey Virgin Atlantic, get fucked!

"Hey bitch, you're soaking in it."

"Hey Band-Aid brand, stick this!"

- and several in the Little Italy style -

"Calgon, take this away!" (grabs crotch)

"I've got your ancient Chinese secret right here!" (grabs crotch)

"Hey! I've got your nighttime sniffling sneezing coughing aching stuffy head fever so you can rest medicine right here!" (grabs crotch)

"Hey, sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't... uhhh... right here!" (grabs crotch)

Hmmm. Who is "bitch" a brand spokesperson for?

Not you, dabitch. I think that was for Palmolive with Madge the manicurist. Some of her customers deserved the b-bomb.

Hey, Larry Craig, squeeze thi-- eww, that's gross.

Okay, I guess the senator doesn't do commercials.

Hey, James Dyson, suck this!

Hey, Orville Redenbacher, drop dead! Oh ... you already have. Sort of.

Hey, giant Burger King head, squeeze your Whopper and squirt some condiments out of it!

Hey Aflack Duck, get stuffed.

Hey Doughboy, get baked.

Hey Mikey, get a life.

Hey Marlboro Man, suck on this.

Yeah, this one is pretty good.

I love this one, too.

Hey Johnnie Walker, Keep Walking. Really!

Hey Pampers, Leak This

Hey Honey Monster, Puff This

So much better use of my time (not sure my CD would agree) :)

Thanks, guys! I have an alternate version of this title further below.

Hey, Orville Redenbacher, drop dead ... again.

(This is an alternate version of my earlier title, posted above.)

Hey Steve Jobs, shrink this!

Your first one was better.

Hey Luke Sullivan, milk this (only kidding)!

Hey Clearasil, squeeze this!

Hey Nintendo DS, touching isn't good.

Hey Yahoo!, do you... Yahoo!?

ha. Or "Hey Nintendo DS, touching could land you in jail." ;)

Hey Capital One, what's in YOUR wallet?

Hahhaaha.. gross. :))

Nice touch.

Hey Colonel... batter this!

Hey Clarence... stick THIS bird in your eye!

stick this in your bird's eye, surely?

A Yank-ism. "Bird" = middle finger.


Hey Captain, Crunch This.

Hey Ellen Feis, Switch This.

Hey Charlie, Sorry.

Hey, Lucky the Leprechaun, do you feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?

Hey, Mr. Clean, wipe that smile off your face.

Hey, Cap'n Crunch, this is a mutiny.

Hey, Coppertone Girl, cover your ass!

Hey, Energizer Bunny, another move out of you and I'll pin your ears back!

Hey, Puppet... you sock!

This one had me LMAO

Hey Ronald McDonald...great work out?

Hey Ronald McDonald...I'm loving it...but what is that shit you call bacon?

Hey, Aflac duck, come get these bread crumbs! That's it ... good ducky ... a little closer ... ... That's better.

Hey, Verizon Test Man, take your phone and bury it in your rectum. Can you hear me now?

Hey Madge, you really think it softens hands while you do the fucking dishes? You're soaking in it.

"Hey Madge - nice hands." You think so? I got them washing dishes. "Get the fuck outta here!"

Hey Madge - you still pulling that dishwashing scam?

Hey Madge - soak your fingers in this.

Hey Madge - soften this!

Hey Madge - does doing the dishes soften your balls? Just wondering.

Hey Madge - last time you soaked my fingers my fucking nails fell off.

I've lent my copy to someone, I don't remember who, so here goes.

Hey Jolly Green Giant, sit down!


Hey Cadillac, sapelli wood accent my cup holder.

Hey Pope Benedict XVI, resurrect this!

Hey King, that's not I meant by "hold the pickle."

Hey Joe Camel... hump this!

Hey clown... love this!

hey, snap, crackle, and pop, ill snap, crackle, and pop your necks

hey, maytag repair man, your wife was built to last longer

hey tony. yooooooouuu'rrrrreeee gay

hey Col. Sanders, youre wife is finger lickin good

hey ronald mcdonald, what you love is illegal

Hey, I'm-a-Mac, byte my hard ... disk.

Hey, Colonel Sanders, kluck you!

Stuff it, Stuffit

This classic ad - Marlboro Man leads to -

Hey Marlboro Man...two words - "fliptop box".

Hey Betty Crocker, Bake This!

Hey Charmin Bear, Wipe This!

Hey Apple, Byte This!

Hey Martha Stewart, Tax Return This!

Hey Pringles, Pop To the supermarket and buy me some decent snacks that don't taste of cardboard!

Hey Michelin Man. Bi? Bendum!

"Hey, Ben and Jerry, Fit This Into an Icecream"

Hey St. Pauli Girl, Fuck this

Hey Boo Berry, spook this

Hey Count Chocula, Bite me

Hey St. Pauli girl, Show those

hey betty, suck my crocker

Hey chihuahua , Yo Quiero my balls licked

Hey Capital One, that's MY wallet.

hey Hamburger Helper, help yourself

Hey Ernie Keebler, where are all the female elves?

hey Lucky, by "lucky charms" you mean what?

Hey Pillsbury Doughboy, eat my biscuits

Hey Jared, get a real job

Hey The Roaming Gnome, Get lost

Hey Willie, Wonka doing with all those Oompa-Loompas

Hey, Orville Redenbacher, you are a dead man!

"Hey, Marlboro Man, smoke this"

"Hey, Doughboy, bake this"

"Hey, Hathaway Shirt guy, wear this"

Hey, Green Giant, Sprout this"

"Hey Charlie Tuna, Tune Out"

"Hey, Cheesasaurus Rex, wiggle your Macaroni"

Hey Whipple, Crispin's reviving you.

Just saw that somebody already crapped, packled and snotted over the rice krispies

You could ask Papa Smurf a similar question - but the answer is the same for smurfs and elves(*) - they're gang-banging Smurfette.

*==> Not to be confused with Tolkien's Elves, where there are very obvious females :-)

Hey everyone: This is funny. There are some winners in here. I'll be glad to make good on my offer of a signed copy of the new edition. (I'm sure you'd all prefer a nice new One show book, but man, those babies are expensive, aren't they?) In any case, whenever daBitch sez she's done collecting your ideas, I'll hit print and pick out my faves. Hang in there everybody. This business can suck, yes. But as my friend Ray Longoria says, "It beats roofin'."

Here's a link to a couple of Charmin spots - Squeeze This!

Hey Jack In The Box, jack this!


I'm kicking myself for not thinking of that.

Hey, Jared, you deserve a break today -- at McDonalds!

hey jared. eat this!

Yes but I find it hard to find the classic stuff. Just try searching for classic Beetle ads for instance. ;-)

I post "beetle" ads under the brand name "Volkswagen" but you can still find some if you search on the words Classic Beetle.

Hey, Suzy, Chap This

Hey, Mr. Peanut, Salt This.
Hey, Spuds, Drink This

Ok, thanks for all the ideas kids. We're gonna have a look-through and announce winners in a day or two. :)