Darling, your brief is showing: A Super Bowl USP critique.

So you have a Super Bowl spot. It's creative. Or at least what passes as creative. There’s just one thing: the actual USP or RTB or whatever acronym you want to use that stands for “the part where we sell you shit.” What do you do with it?
Apparently some have chosen to regurgitate a line on the fucking brief.
Case in point:

Have you ever met anyone who used this kind of verbiage? No? Didn’t think so. What a let down. You seriously couldn't have written something the way people talk? Was this a concession to keep the raining frogs or what? If so, we understand, but Jeez Louise. This smacks of laziness.
Maybe it was legal trying to justify their outlandish retainer fee. Totally get it. But why go through all the trouble to be creative during the Super Bowl only to let the sell stick out like a sore thumb? Why wouldn't you try and fight legal on the wording? It's an intrusion within an intrusion on what is supposed to be the day where people are entertained by commercials.
The E*Trade baby does it at least a little bit better by burying it in comedy, albeit as a lead-in to perverse, robbing-the-cradle comedy.

But hey, at least you can console yourself with this: Despite the USA today ad-o-meter guinea pigs, 90% of the 111 million people watching the Super Bowl won't care about your ad because they view it as an intrusion or a chance to go pee.
Maybe it's better you didn't try to make the sell interesting after all.