Missed It by That Much

Note: The following is based solely on my recollection of events. It’s been 20 years, 4 job changes, 3 kids and 2 moves since this story took place, so forgive my .5% fudge factor. Also, I’ve left out the names of most of the people involved to protect the disheartened. They’ve all gone on to better things anyway. Summer 1997. I was a 24-year-old writer/producer (because that’s what they called us back then) at Bernstein-Rein, an advertising agency in Kansas City, Missouri, famous for creating the McDonald’s Happy Meal, Walmart’s “real people” campaign, and telling folks to “make it a Blockbuster night.” I had started at BR the previous April after two years at a small shop – as in six people. At this early stage of my career, I could sling copy fairly adroitly, and I was decently knowledgeable in the ways of low-budget local TV spot production. I did not know what I did not know and was thus full of what could euphemistically be called “confidence.” Ah, youth. Yet, despite my obvious way with words and truly outstanding hair (it was not for nothing that I was dubbed J-Fro), I had not been hired to work on the more glamorous accounts adorning the agency roster. I was brought into the ag/industrial group with clients such as Butler Manufacturing (from which my grandfather had retired) and Farmland Foods. Not that there was anything wrong with that. I was excited to have a job at the biggest shop in the Midwest. Or at least how I defined the Midwest. But imagine my excitement when it was one day revealed that the agency had been asked to create a television commercial for Planet Hollywood. Bear in mind, this was 1997 when PH was still a popular-if-kitschy tourist destination for people who loved buying overpriced t-shirts and deep-fried appeteezers. Ahnold, Sly, Demi and Bruce were still noteworthy investors, and there were no Instagram stories to siphon off production dollars. Then the good news turned into great news: The account was not being assigned to any one creative group. No, the winning idea could come from any team in any group. Oh, and there was a very good chance the produced spot would debut on the Super Bowl of Advertising, aka the Super Bowl. I can pretty much guarantee whatever time was recorded against other clients during the ensuing concepting phase was even, shall we say, less accurate than usual.

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