The Comic Sans Candidate

“I’m Pete Ricketts and I believe in kids, America, apple pie and fun fonts!”

Well, I’m Tom Nemitz and I believe when a congressional candidate uses Comic Sans in his television spots that he gets automatically DQ’d from my ballot. No iffs, ands, butts or serifs about it.

Comic Sans is the sweatpants-in-public of type. When you use Comic Sans, you’re telling the world, “I don’t care anymore. I’m wearing sweatpants to go shopping at the mall.” Is that the kind of “I don’t care” attitude you want from your congressman? Last time I asked myself, my answer was no. I’ll ask again but I’m reasonably certain the answer will still be no.

Comic Sans is cheap, easy, available, and people using it don’t think they’re doing anything wrong because its “Fun!”. Remember Marion Berry? That was just crack. This is Comic Sans!

Is this the kind of cavalier attitude you want from your congressman? Your mayor? Anyone in public office? Of course not!

My mother always told my brother and I when we were growing up that you’re known by the company you keep. So what does it say about a candidate when the company he chooses to keep is Comic Sans? It says “Don’t Vote For Me”, that’s what.

This poses a real moral dilemma: is it right to vote for the other candidate simply because he/she uses Futura in their television spots? Stumped, I sent this candidate’s office an email, asking them why I should trust, and therefore vote for a candidate who would so brazenly make use of bad type in their ads.

Their response was not exactly convincing.

“While we certainly appreciate your opinion and your honest critique of Pete’s television spots, we hope you’ll give us a chance to win your vote. Blah blah blah…blah blah Comic Sans…blah blah Pete is a fun guy who loves kids, dogs and apple pie…blah blah Pete’s Platform…blah blah thank for your correspondance and we hope we’ve answered your question. We sincerely hope you will consider voting for Pete.”

I still wasn’t sure I wasn’t off-base in my judgment. Then…

Wha…what’s this? Is that Times New Roman? Now you’ve done it! Now you’ve gone too far! How dare you claim “Nebraska Values” and then go use not one but two of the cheesiest fonts ever made? That’s not Nebraska Values. That’s just stupid.

How can I be sure this guy won’t make up sell sheets typeset in Funhouse to convince fellow congressmen to vote for his policies? That’s an embarrassment to the state! How can I be sure his re-election campaign won’t feature Papyrus?

You can’t trust anybody who uses Comic Sans, that’s my policy. And if you can’t trust them, do you want them in office representing you? Of course not. So my conclusion is any reasonable person could not in good conscience vote for such a candidate. You bet.

Click here to watch the actual television spot

[You shouldn’t really pick a candidate based on their font of choice. The proceeding was just a satirical essay on one designer’s reaction to the ad, and is not meant to be a serious political statement on how you ought to vote. Obviously.]

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